Sunday, October 19, 2008

Chapter 7c: Love (cont)

But now, Hanan is no longer a breath of fresh air in my life. She is the source of my greatest worries. I'd grown so accustomed to having her around, to seeing her beautiful face, to listening to her wise advice. I'd dared to hope that we would always be together, someday even starting a family of our own.

So the announcement hit me almost as hard as had my own father's death, except that this time I was used to bad news.

Oh, but, this is not bad news!

And that is why I can't sleep at night these days. I feel guilty for being so devastated by such wonderful news. But I am devastated and scared. Happy, too, knowing that Hanan's dreams are coming true. She wants to study and be an English literature teacher and now she will be able to do that. Like all of us, she wants stability and a future, and now she will have that. I am happy for her, I am!

I could never, ever ask her to stay, but deep down I am tempted to ask her to marry me tomorrow so that she will have to stay.

But in two months time, she and her two brothers and her mother and her father will be moving to Australia. They will be given English lessons paid for by the government - not that Hanan needs them, she is already brilliant. They will be given a home to live in. And in five years - five long years in which I won't be allowed to leave Syria and she won't be allowed to leave Australia - they will become Australian citizens. It is the dream that we all have, and her family has waited a very long time for it to come true. They deserve it.

Why does it have to hurt so much?

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