Tuesday, December 23, 2008

No Plans for Christmas: Lessons I'm Learning, part 3

Oh, but this time I finally have plans for Christmas! When I try to process my thoughts of the past week, I get overwhelmed and am not sure I want to unpack them here in public for you all to see! But there are some things worth sharing:

- I could do a separate portrait on "English front lounges during the holidays" but I'm not. What I would write in said portrait is about how fun it is to walk on the streets of residential neighbourhoods in England, catching glimpses into people's front windows. I know, I'm a terrible invader of privacy, but it's such a cozy sight to witness people sitting around, getting on with their lives. Some lounges look lonely but many homes have a definite family feel as well. I get almost as cozy a feeling from glimpsing into people's lives as I do from living a cozy life! I guess that's the sociologist in me... One observation I've made this week, specifically, though, is that there's a lot of TV-watching going on. Most homes had a television turned on. It was a little sad to see, but it also somehow added to the cozy homey feel of it all.

- It is both gratifying and disconcerting to live my life in semi-public via Facebook, blog, and now Twitter. To those of you who commented or emailed me about current state of flux, each of you with encouraging notes, your words meant so much to me! I'm so privileged to not feel alone even if in many practical senses I am alone. Somehow I've ended up with friends in all corners of this crazy world, and it's great to still feel connected.

I've also been a tad disconcerted, though, with how many people have started wondering about me who might have otherwise forgotten me. For example in reply to a status update saying "I have no plans for Christmas" someone might have emailed me to ask "What are your plans for Christmas?" This would have been someone who wouldn't have thought to ask me had I not 'announced' my lack of plans.

- I am still trying to process what a life is without plans, without a future. I've made plans to see friends over Christmas and afterwards, but the details from there on out are still very fuzzy... This feels like a very wrong way to live, yet I wonder whether it really is wrong. Perhaps it's actually the right way to live, but my culture has conditioned me to plan, plan, plan! Either way, at the moment, I'd sure like to be able to see into the future, at least a little ways!

- I need an Internet break. I think I'll close down skype, close down Facebook, and close down my RSS reader. I'll still check email because it'd feel responsible not to, but maybe less frequently. This means I'm not going to blog for a while. How long? A week, maybe two, I imagine.

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