Wednesday, February 23, 2011

a bit of introspective mulling

I love a good walk, and walking to work in the morning generally is the perfect bit of brilliance for starting off the day with a fresh perspective and a smile.

This morning, for the first time, I was ready to leave at the same time as my housemates. Four people piled into a vehicle with the driver, and they could have squeezed some room for me. But I declined and agreed to walk - there was still time to get to the office before our meetings started! They shut the car doors, then I had an afterthought: "But do you think you could take my bag for me?" And I handed my computer bag to a colleague before setting off on my own.

Why did this bother me? Because I got what I wanted. And in crazy guest-house living, we need to bend over backwards to help each other out, just so that we are all reasonably content at the end of each day.

So during the fifteen minute walk to the office, I found myself praying for grace, for help, for mercy that I can share with others. By the time I was a hundred metres away, I felt ready. I was walking into the office with a smile on my face, a smile to share.

So then I remembered how last night I was feeling so worn down and worn out, and that I had nothing left to share. And, flashing forward... Sure enough, by the time I'd been in the office a mere half-hour, my ability to give had been spent. And only by grace did I get that smile back on my face and keep it there for most of the day.

15 comments:

David N. said...

It probably wasn't your intent, but this made me chuckle. I analyze everything I do, just like this.

LauraX said...

Hi Kati,
I hear you. It is grace that keeps us going and giving when we feel depleted...I feel that too. And awareness of that grace opens us to gratitude, and gratitude opens us to compassion for others and ourselves as well and that in turn refills our emptiness and we are reminded of that amazing grace again until we feel there is nothing left and the whole beautiful cycle begins again. Knowing this, having faith that this is so is a deep blessing that not everyone recognizes. Thank God, thank God we do.

Brian Miller said...

sometimes you have to live by that grace...maybe the grace was in getting those few moments...i like a good walk, particularly in the woods....peaceful...

happygirl said...

I have a post-it on the side of my computer with a smiley face. Underneath the smiley face is the word SMILE. Just in cast I forget.

I think you know, I've been struggling with grace at the office. ((hug)) btw, I've heard that God's grace is new every day. I bank on that.

Leslie said...

My husband works with many different people, different personalities, and he is a person who needs quiet, peace, to think and work. He has needed much grace for this... so I can relate to your post, and pray that you will continue to find what you need when you need it most. And that you will be able to continue walking, too : )

Connie Mace said...

"I love a good walk, and walking to work in the morning generally is the perfect bit of brilliance for starting off the day with a fresh perspective and a smile."...wise lady...fresh air is good medicine...breathe deep and let His Grace and Peace into the deep places.

Mama Zen said...

Oh, I know this feeling!

alittlebitograce said...

i think i need to find that grace today....

emily wierenga said...

i know this feeling too, kati, and how well you capture it for us... xo

Old Ollie said...

Wise move - and sage advice.

B. Meandering said...

Katie, your comment, which I appreciated, led me back here and I'm so glad I came. I caught up on some of your past blogs and got something good from each of them.
I know what you mean by gaining and then losing your smile and only by grace gaining it back.
That has been my week.
But God is faithful and yesterday, He brought two boys to me who lifted my spirits---one simply asked with obvious concern, "Are you okay?" And when I answered, "I'm getting better." he began to talk to me about a situation that I wasn't aware he knew about.
I listened, but didn't comment---I wasn't legally allowed to. But it was the look in his eyes and his tone that ministered to me. It made me able to get better.
Then a boy in last period made me laugh out loud--he has that ability ---and that kept me from reacting negatively to something else. It's wonderful that we can give and take God's grace as needed.:)

deb colarossi said...

I obsess over everything.
And walks are the best for coming out the other side.

Jimi Ann said...

I can relate. I'm sure the walk in the fresh air helped. I used to walk to my office as well, even though people would offer me rides and wonder why I was so odd. It was one of the most peaceful times of my day.

Ryan and Melanie said...

Kati, I can relate to this and walks are so good for fresh air and perspective.

-Mel

imoomie said...

Sometimes during a walk one can not only find their smile, but a space of mental peace that goes a long, long way!

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