Tuesday, February 1, 2011

a jumble of jumbled thoughts

I have started at least half a dozen blogs in my mind during the last week, if not more. These are interesting times! So I think... This is an interesting person, how would I describe him? That is an odd dilemma, how would I unpack it? There is a bit of true irony, and I know just how to narrate it!

And yet here I am with nothing to write, except for the lyrics to the song "When you say nothing at all" passing through my mind: You say it best when you say nothing at all. (go on, click the link and watch the video which will hopefully load MUCH faster for you than it did for me. It soothes the heart even though it's absolutely random with regards to this blog post)

Am I saying it best by not saying it? I probably am because there's a reason all of those mentally drafted blogs never made it to the typepad. If I were smart I would have written them but not posted them, but I'm not smart that way. I post because I have to write, not because the story needs to be put out there. This time the story can't be put out there, so can't be posted, so I don't write.

Clearly this is not as it should be. How awful that I can't explain here why I can't post because then I'd be giving hints into what I'd be writing about that I can't post. And, of course I don't mean it but feel like this is when I should say 'but then I'd have to kill you'. Seriously, have I already said too much? As I write this I don't know whether these words will actually make it onto the blog.

Should I be looking for things around me that are cuter, more mundane? Looking for the tiny flickers of lovely joy in the midst of the desert of disaster? If you know what part of the world I'm in and have turned on the international news anytime in the last few weeks, you know that no small things are going on around me. It seems petty to look for the little things. But as I write this I realise that probably they are the answer. The secret hidden writing is all well and good, but instead this may be a moment for returning to the reason I started blogging regularly in the first place: finding the value in this itsybitsy things, drawing little pictures with words.

I'm afraid, once again, this is the best I can do. Putting the "im" in Imperfect Prose! In fact, this is all I've managed to write all week. Here's hoping the words come back soon...

12 comments:

Lauri said...

I hear you about the mentally crafted blogs, if I could post while driving or cooking my blog would be much more robust. But as you said, there's a reason why those thoughts come when posting is not possible. praying the words come back to you soon.

David N. said...

I can't imagine being where I think you are. It must be overwhelming. Hopefully you are able to write about it at some point. For now, like you said - find the small details, because they matter.

LauraX said...

praying for your safety and the safety of everyone around you...it is no small wonder to me that it is difficult for you to process and write at this moments....deep integration must be working its way through your heart Kati...the words will flow when you are ready to release them.

alittlebitograce said...

i've been submerged in birthing-land, so hadn't been too focussed on the chaos overseas. sometimes i forget where countries are geographically. it's easy to be focussed on one thing(like the peacefulness of the vote) and forget about other things. i will continue to pray for protection for you.

funny story: while we were waiting to be admitted into the hospital, the tv was set to CNN which was covering the crisis. while helping my client through contractions, her husband and i were watching the tv. underneath a banner was running. the main screen said ---- in Crisis!!! and underneath the banner said "city goes over snow removal budget". The juxtaposition was comical, especially as it appeared to be cause and effect. :)

Brandee Shafer said...

You know, I traditionally haven't been one to write anything down until I felt like it was ready to be born. But, lately, my exhausted mom brain scares me, and I feel like--if I don't write down little things to remind me of my thoughts--I will lose them altogether, forever. So I have a little running list of random thoughts in a Word doc: stuff I'm not in any way ready to write out. And, sometimes, I think something's ready to come out only to find it's wrong, so I save it as a draft. I saved one post as a draft for almost two months and another for about three weeks until I could figure out how to make them work. The imperfect prose thing is a fascinating concept to me b/c I'm very particular and don't tend to release anything until it's very close to how I want it. Just know that you have untold amounts of beauty in you and that it will find its way out through you, touching others on its way back to God...big blessings...lotsa love...

Brandee Shafer said...

P.S. I love that song and used to perform it in the karaoke barssss...:)

annethoughts said...

I understand about the unwritten posts. I spend a lot of time writing posts in my head that I never actually type out. Keep writing.

emily wierenga said...

oh kati, this is what imperfect is all about. i love that you posted, in spite. and that you didn't try to force the words. i've been trying to practice waiting in my writing too... waiting for God to give me the words. a tough thing. very tough. love to you.

Abby said...

prayers...so thankful that He does know it all and that's all that matters as far as my praying for you...so thankful that you linked up with emily and i can pray for you by name...and thanks for keeping it all so beautifully real. do you realize that's what you did?

nic said...

i'm glad you've put words to this, and i hope you can sense how He waits with you in the middle of the unspeakable.

happygirl said...

You are reading my mind. In the short time I've been blogging it is amazing the way my mind crafts my thoughts into possible blogs. I don't think the thoughts I decide not to write about aren't written for a couple reasons. One, of course, something better comes along. Another, will it help or hurt. My blog isn't a weapon or a "teaching tool" or anything more than an extension of me and a way to see my thoughts in a concrete fashion and possibly, just possibly get a bit of feedback. I'm stretching myself. I'm growing myself into the best person I can be.

alittlebitograce said...

re: your comment on my post

my daughter has named all the trees in our yard. she says they're her friends. :)

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