Wednesday, May 18, 2011
There is something I've been pondering quite a bit lately, and that is the validity of self-pity. I think it must be rather obvious to most of humanity that allowing ourselves to drown in a mire of self-pity is not a good thing.
But recognising the challenges in our lives and forgiving ourselves for imperfect reactions... that seems not only valid to me, but essential for dealing with the imperfect reactions, aka getting over it. After all, when we try to deny our failings we only fail more, right?
Now, if you read this blog very regularly, you know that the last few months have not been the easiest of my life. I haven't shared many details, but I've complained plenty. I have expressed some degree of self-pity here, and I have mulled over my imperfect reactions.
One of my imperfect reactions has been an inability to listen to others, and engage meaningfully in their lives. I've felt like it takes all my energy to get from day to day, and while I want to care for others and be a giving person, lately I have felt like I consistently fall short in this area. While I recognise my desire to improve, I also have been forgiving of myself, accepting that this is a challenging phase. This, too, shall pass.
During the last few weeks, though, I've heard from a few good friends of mine about bad times they are going through. Just like I won't betray too many details of my own circumstances here, I also think it best not to share any details of their challenges, anonymity or not. But believe me, they are dealing with some hefty pain. Things in the realm of war and abandonment and suffering. Things that make my imperfect reactions to difficult circumstances feel much less justified.
My friends need a friend, and if I can be a friend to them, I should. But I feel like I have so little to give! I have been forgiving myself my inability to invest in others, and when I spent time with friends I feel like this is a season when I need them to patient with me, hoping and praying that soon the tides will reverse. But how do I deal with the fact that there are people who are dear to me, who right now need me to invest in them and be patient with them? Where am I supposed to find those emotional reserves?