Monday, June 6, 2011


I have been pondering friends the last few days.

Friends come in different shapes and sizes:
  • the ones I've known for years
  • the ones I've known for months
  • the ones I've known for days
  • people who I met the day I was born
  • people who I met the day they were born
  • people I met one day and immediately knew would become a friend
  • family members with whom I have a thing or two in common
  • those who I met through family, some of whom became family
  • colleagues who are lovely and friendly
  • especially those colleagues with whom I've gone through the fire and survived
  • roommates, housemates
  • and what to make of colleagues who I lived with and with whom I've been through the fire and survived?
  • there are my butlers who don't make very good friends at all
  • and then, of course, there are the hundreds upon hundreds of people who once were dear friends - maybe just for a few weeks, but still, they were - even so, now we've grown apart
  • many of those, and many others are the most friendy friends of all: facebook friends
Then, I realise that the names I would match to that list today are so dramatically different from the names I may have thought of two years ago, not to mention 10 years ago. People who I just KNEW would be lifelong friends when I met them turned out to be just facebook friends. Colleagues who were lovely and friendly but not more at the time, have turned out to be people I've known for years and consider dear. But mostly, I think of so, so, so many people who used to be something special in my world and still are, but are so far away.

Why do I either get a happy warm feeling in my tummy thinking about my lovely friends, or get a dull thud in my heart thinking about those who have grown far? Well...
  • Friends will listen to me
  • I will listen to them
  • We can laugh together, play together, explore together
  • I can learn from them and be put in my place by them.
  • Maybe I will have a little something to teach them
  • When I just need to think out loud, they will bear with me
  • We might not share the same experiences, but there's enough imagination to go around so that we can learn, and will do what we can to immerse ourselves in each other's world
  • Even if we lose touch for ages, we can always pick up again
  • I can cook for them, and they can show me something new. Maybe they will give me a lift.
  • If they have a house they let me crash, if I have a house I let them crash
  • When a friendship is growing, something is happening in the heart. When a friendship is shrinking... oh let's not talk about that. It's the fear of the friendship shrinking that sometimes keeps me from growing it in the first place. So silly, I know, but that's humans for you.
So... lately I've had a lot of colleagues become dear, but in return I've discovered that many other friendships have been shrinking. More work = less heart, sometimes. It's time to change that, and I want to go back to my friends. But will they be the same? Do I want them to be? After all, I know I'm not the same. But I am reminding myself to be open to all of the above, both lists, to put as much heart into people as I might ever want to get back from them.


Craig said...

Kati, I'm way older than you – and yet I named this year "connect" because I hadn't done the good enough job of learning to connect through all my years. When you only open up just so much, you only allow so many people in. It's good to hear of your focus on friendship – and what commitment you need to make, to make it work. and all that stuff you wrote on what makes a friend – brilliant! I see wisdom. I see love. I see someone who would make a good friend. God bless you Kati!!

happygirl said...

Wow, blogger just lost my comment. I'll try to recreate, but you've gotta know it was a long one. Anyway, I'm glad you posted this. Friendships are something I've been thinking about a lot. Family friends (relatives) usually know you best. The good and the bad and from what you come. Work friends usually aren't friends when you don't work together anymore. Longtime friends can love you long. You can separate and then "pick right back up where you left off" when reunited. Lost friendships are hard. I've come to learn it is not always You that are the cause of a lost friendship. Sometimes it is them. And sometimes you can't fix it. You just have to let the relationship go. Thanks again for this. It really made me think.

happygirl said...

Whoops, I forgot... I'll try having a butler for a friend, even if it isn't a good friend. Maybe it's just a good butler. Never had one.

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