Thursday, December 1, 2011

Contradictory symptoms

I'm lonely and I'm tired.

And that about sums it up.

Especially because to resolve the one seems to be a big step backwards toward resolving the other. Lonely --> go out and try to bond people --> exhausted. Tired --> rest and sleep --> no human interaction.

Tired is a much easier problem to address, so I will probably continue - as I have for a while - to put more energy into resolving that one. (Did I say put 'energy' into resolving tiredness? Yeah, I guess I did.)

Actually, I suspect I'm feeling the loneliness a little bit more acutely this week because maybe I'm a tad less tired than I've been for a while. Up til the last week or two, I was so tired that I only really thought about addressing that. Now I'm tired but not so tired that I can't feel my loneliness.

Soon I'll be rested enough to start addressing the loneliness. I'm going to have to put all these new skills I'm learning about loving and being loved into practice! Am I ready? Do I know what I need to know? Is my heart ready for the risks? Do I have enough wisdom to figure out what, exactly, I'm supposed to be doing?

I do hope so. I sincerely hope that a year from now I am not writing about being lonely and tired. May I have different problems in a year.

And, since during the last year, one place where I have decidedly not felt lonely has been Imperfect Prose, it seems appropriate that today be the day when I am finally, after a 4+ month silence, linking up once again with Emily's lovely community.

3 comments:

Bristol said...

yay for linking up with the community. i'm so glad you're here, so glad you write, so glad you're honest and open. thanks for sharing your heart in this place!

Jane@flightplatformliving said...

hope you feel well enough for people adventures soon xxxx

emily wierenga said...

oh friend. i've missed you. i'm so sorry you're lonely... i hope you know how much you're loved friend. how deeply loved.

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